When it comes to thinking – we definitely can get caught in a trap, well, if not a trap at least a habit. It’s a bit like your accent, our thinking style can be so automatic and second nature we don’t generally think about what we are saying or doing to ourselves. So maybe we don’t really realise the times when our thinking style could be working against us. Accommodating basically an internal bully and not a cheerleader.
“You can do it”
Think about it – how often are you being your own cheerleader? How often do you say to yourself…
“That was good”
“That deserves credit”
“I did it”
“You can do it”
Do you ever try to be a mind reader and imagine what other people are thinking, or become a fortune tell by ‘predicting’ the future? With this style of thinking you’ll find yourself settling for a negative conclusion although there is no proof other than your “negative self-made hunch”. For example imagine if you expect your health professional to get angry or annoyed with you about your diabetes management. Chances are this will decrease your desire to attend appointments and you'll possibly avoid seeking help although you need it. Unless you have multiple proofs for your assumption, test your perception out, put yourself in the situation (as long as it’s safe) and see if you really can predict other people’s behaviours and thoughts, or predict the future.
?This is the tendency to over-emphasise negative (mistakes, fears, faults) and minimise positives (strengths) so they became small and insignificant. This will tear down your confidence, motivation, and happiness. Try to see more of the positives and less of the negatives to get a better balance back.
Just because you feel a particular way does not mean our thoughts are correct. You may feel stupid if you are struggling to learn something new, but this does not mean you are incompetent – what it means is that it’s something other than what you already know. Don’t let you emotions dictate your perception and thoughts.
Using words like “should, ought or must” is almost like having someone pointing their finger at you telling you that you’ve done the wrong thing or that you’re in trouble. These statements can increase feelings of guilt, shame or frustration - Because it feels like you’ve (or someone else) committed to an ‘obvious’ wrong action and therefore “failed”. The truth is people have a choice, so using language that constantly criticises your or others behaviour increases your resentment – even when it was most likely the best option was chosen at that particular time. If this is a constant issue you have in regards to your expectations of others –is it possible you may need to adjust your expectations?
This is a generalisation type of thinking style in that you ‘brand’ you or another with insulting names like “idiot”, “useless”, or “stupid”. Obviously associating you or another with such words negatively influences your overall perception and it may be difficult to see anything other than faults.
Have you ever blamed something going wrong because you were simply aware of it happening – not because you truly influenced it in anyway? Just because you exist in the world does not mean you control everything that (negatively) happens in it. Having this style of thinking increases feelings of guilt, worthlessness and hopelessness.
Did you recognise any thinking styles that sound similar to the way your brain thinks?
Now go be your own cheerleader and practice it EVERY day!!
(…Also let others be a part of your cheerleading squad too. Try to accept their compliments graciously instead of disregarding them, shying away or challenging their words). …Go you good thing!!!